I get it, the Marvel Cinematic Universe has become pretty bloated recently and if the trend of spitting out multiple heroes every time a new movie comes out continues, we’ll soon have more abnormally-enhanced humans running around that world than the combined number of digits of all the suits Tony Stark has smashed in his avenging career.
That being said, before Marvel’s market research department decides to pull the plug on their superhero-churning factory and tells the writers to just work with what they have, I seriously hope that they hear the innumerable cries rising up from keyboards all over the world to bring the uncontested favourite superhero of all time into their cinematic fold. They better get Squirrel Girl in the MCU.
With Anna Kendrick and Shannon Purser having voiced their interest in starring as the eponymous tailed vigilante in a movie the studio hasn’t even hinted they consider making (not to mention Edgar Wright having voiced his support for the hypothetical movie on Twitter), chances are the film would not have trouble attracting bonkers talent.
While Squirrel Girl has been a minor character in Marvel’s roster since 1992, she recently emerged in her own kick-butt series titled The Unbeatable Squirrel Girl, with artist Erica Henderson at its helm, who has also worked on the ongoing Archie-reboot-spin-off starring everybody’s favourite burger fiend - Jughead. The series is as funny as Deadpool at his best, but without the R-rated content and less fourth-wall breaking.
So to celebrate a movie that Marvel will surely announce in the upcoming months (unless they want to experience a series of unfortunate accidents involving profuse amounts of acorns) which will either star Beca from Pitch Perfect of Barbs from Stranger Things, here’s a list of top ten footnotes that appear in the first ten issues of The Unbeatable Squirrel Girl (which, if you haven’t read, then what are you doing with your life):
Congratulations to “LET’S GET NUTS” for beating out runners-up “LET’S GET CRAZY” and “LET’S GET ECCENTRIC” in the What Should Squirrel Girl Say When Biting Her Way Out Of A Net Competition, 2015.
That “PHWEEEEEeeee” is the sound of the repulsors charging up. The robots aren’t saying the “PHWEEEEEeeee” noises themselves, although that would’ve been kinda adorable.
I was going to put a solution to the inverse Kepler’s equation for orbital bodies here, but ran out of room, so you’ll just have to take my word for it that the physics in my talking squirrel comic are 100% ultralegit
IF YOU SEE HIM, TELL HIM I SAID HE’S SO UNCOOL THAT HE’S NOT JUST A SQUARE… HE’S A COSMIC CUBE
And you definitely don’t defeat Galactus by having a more audacious fashion sense. Many have tried, all have failed, though honestly many of them looked pretty great while they did so.
Okay, I promise that with Squirrel Girl, Koi Boi, Chipmunk Hunk, and Bass Lass, we are done with animal rhyming names. Promise. For at least the next eleven pages.
“Stop rioting or we’ll punch you” is up there with “Stop eating or we’ll feed you” on the List of Lines That, You Know, Probably Won’t Work As Well As You Expected.
Theory: if instead of “Earth” we called our planet “Where The Party’s At,” maybe more aliens would be contacting us and inquiring vis-à-vis joining the friggin’ party??
Is the Norse god Ratatoskr truly the reason the dinosaurs died off? This talking squirrel comic says: yes, absolutely.
DID YOU KNOW: “badonk” is slang for “butt”? And “butt” is slang for “buttocks”? And “callipygian” is a for-real adjective that means “having nice buttocks”? Look at you, just trying to relax with a talking squirrel comic and instead learning how to say “My word, what a callipygian badonk".